As parents and educators, we often ask ourselves—do we truly accept our children the way they are? Many times, the answer is difficult to admit. Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to impose our own expectations and ideals on them, justifying it in the name of discipline or guidance. But in doing so, we overlook the long-term impact it can have on their emotional well-being.Just as the sun and moon shine at different times, every child has their own timing, rhythm, and journey. When children do not receive love, acceptance, and validation from their family, they often seek it elsewhere—from friends, society, or relationships.
Unfortunately, this pursuit often leads to disappointment and hurt, because no external love can ever replace the unconditional love a child craves from their family.Children who grow up feeling unloved or “not good enough” often carry this void into adulthood. They chase after the validation they never received, which can turn into a never-ending, exhausting journey. Feelings of hollowness, self-doubt, and self-loathing can shape their adult life and affect the relationships they form later.From my own experiences as both a mother and an educator, I have seen children begin to question their worth when they feel constantly judged or compared. Instead of thinking “I need to improve”, they internalize the message as “I am not enough.” Kids are often harshly punished for being mischevious or curious whereas it was their natural instinct to feel in that way. What we often fail to realize as parents and teachers is that sometimes it is us who need to improve our ways of nurturing, not them. We just have to accept and accomodate them the way they already are. We try to force them into the unrealistic standards of the society which was once imposed upon us.
Reflecting on my own life, I realize how much of my childhood and youth was spent trying to fit into expectations. I was always a little rebellious, opinionated, active, and free-spirited. At the same time, I was hardworking, sensitive, and a natural leader. But my family and society often tried to change me. Breaking free was a long, tiring process that took a toll on my mental health. I often wonder—had I been accepted for who I was earlier, I could have outshined much sooner and with far less struggle.I have also seen similar struggles in children around me. I once knew a child in my school with social anxiety, who was constantly pressured to behave like other kids by his father. He suffered silently under this weight of expectations. But when given space and with the unwavering support from his mom, he revealed his incredible gift for art—his drawings spoke louder than words ever could. It made me realize how damaging comparisons and forced competition can be, and how important it is to notice and nurture the unique spark within each child. We often transmit our societal pressure on them.
Parenting and teaching should not be about molding children into a set standard. Instead, it should be about allowing them to blossom in their own time. Not every child will shine today, but if given love, acceptance, and patience, they surely will tomorrow. So let us break this vicious cycle of expectations. Let us embrace our children fully, celebrate their individuality, and enjoy the journey alongside them. One day, when they are grown, they will return to us and say:"Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Teacher—for accepting me exactly as I am."
With much love and blessings
Naorin Haq